Thursday, May 03, 2007

On My World, Your World, Dating and Beer


It's strange, the way one considers the world one lives in. For example, sometimes I feel nearly plagued with the extent I consider my own world, and I wonder how all the other people around me, with me, walking beside me, consider their own worlds. Am I unique in my endless considerations? Does everyone constantly wonder, analyze and dream the way I do? Is the purpose of this forum -this blog world we tap into when we so desire - identification and validation that others are like us?

What is it that makes us want to be the same as everyone else and the same time so different? We like to be normal, and yet special at the same time. Accepted and yet revered. Included and yet set apart. What contrary creatures we are! The way we sympathize by saying "I know exactly what you mean!" but in the next second, we counter any complaint with some sort of exaggerated one-upping that we hope inspires at least a scintilla of awe. We humans often aim to be the best even in being the worse.

I don't mean to sound so cynical -I despise cynicism, I really do. I think it is one of the worst traits of our generation, a form of the deadening of feeling that causes us to deaden our hearts against others, against ourselves, against G-d. It is a manifestation of coldness and casualness unique to our day and age, and often lauded as wit and realism when in fact it is just carelessness and fear of idealism. But now I must write that I don't mean to come off so bitter, I really don't. It's just, and I think it might be self-evident from the whole of this post, that my mood as of late has been quite reflective. Emotions fill me and dreams consume me. I feel joy and pain in equal measures, and dreams of the future fill my mind and heart.

I ask why, but who knows the reasons for a woman's moods and contemplations...? Lately I have felt as if on the brink of a new life, as if the next date I go on might be with my future husband -someone I can love and live with and become a better person with and have children with. These are all my dreams are made of, and it hurts sharply in my innermost heart that these dreams have not yet come true yet. But I do not despair, for the deepest emotion, deeper even than that heart's ache, is hope. I have hope that all this craziness inside me -all these emotions and thoughts and dreams and contemplations and considerations -which are all there for a Reason with a capital 'R', will be loved and cherished soon. Very soon, I hope. I hope.


But let me not end this post there. You see, I have not posted for more than a month, and I do not want all my posts to be about dating and marriage -that would be way too girly of me:) Instead, let me finish off by finishing my original point. It's strange the way one considers the world one lives in. Every day in school, I am surrounded by hundreds of people, boys and girls, all of whom are a similar age to me, live in the same area, go to the same school, learn the same things...and yet, we all exist in our own worlds, and speak different languages of the heart and soul. And if any of them were to read this very personal post of mine, I doubt one of them would understand what I mean...just as I know I don't understand their worlds. (For one thing, I simply cannot understand going to a bar for fun. The music's too loud, no one can hear anyone talking, it smells like beer and liquor tastes like Robitussin, which i wouldn't take even for a sore throat! But maybe that's just me, and my world...)

So, on that note about beer and Robitussin,

Good night

8 comments:

Scraps said...

You know, when I saw the post title, I was expecting a very different kind of post! :-P

The truth is, I don't think that everyone considers their world as much as you do. But it's a good thing to be a thinking person, so you're just fine. In fact, you're great. :)

Okee said...

Well, Scraps, I know you're definitely a "thinking person", but when you say "I don't think everyone considers their world as much as you do", are you basing that on your personal experience? How can one know the extent of philosophizing in another?

I never took secular philosphy in college (and I think that's quite apparent), so I don't know how much self-reflection is a "given" and how much is --for lack of a better term --"extra". I know it doesn't seem to matter much, but it's just one of those things I wonder about...

Scraps said...

While it's true that I am not a mindreader, and therefore am not privy to what goes on in other people's heads, I would measure how much people think by the fact that (as you noted) I am a thinking person, and I have informed by many, many people that I think too much. Hence, I'm assuming they don't think nearly as much as I do. :-P

David_on_the_Lake said...

Before I even start reading..

That is one of my all time favorite paintings!
Van Gogh rules...

k..now I'll read
:-)

Okee said...

It's definitely one of my favorites -if not my favorite favorite! That's why I posted it -I couldn't think of a picture to go along with the post, so I just said whatever, I know what I like, so up goes the Van Gogh...

Scraps --ok, ok, I'll stop the second guessing! I just took a six-hour property exam, so I think that used up all my thinking resources for at least a week or so!

Scraps said...

Oysh. A six-hour final is enough to kill anyone's brain cells! Good luck with the rest of your finals, and please be in touch!

Okee said...

FINALS ARE OVER!!! YAYYY!!

Scraps said...

Woohoo! Free for the summer! (Unless you're doing the writing contest?)