Monday, May 21, 2007

The Strange Creature, Part I

Once upon a time, a strange creature with no place to live was forced to wander from place to place. Many of the townspeople who had seen the creature lurking at the edges of the forest declared that it was the most repulsive thing on G-d's green earth. Many of the townspeople took to locking their door twice at night to ensure the monster stays away. Many of the townspeople began to lobby for Sir Helmsley, the local landlord, to once and for all eradicate the creature from their midst. Soon, all Sir Helmsley heard about was the wretched creature. He knew he must do something; the situation was becoming desperate.

At first, Sir Helmsley sent his best hunters to track and trap the ever-moving thing, but that met with failure. The hunters returned to Helmsley's manor, tails between their legs, metaphorically speaking, with their dogs at their sides, with actual tails between their legs. They hunted, they sought, they waited, they set traps, but to no avail. The creature disturbing the sleep of the innocent townsfolk could not be found, and therefore could not be killed. Furious at their failure, Sir Helmsley sent the hunters back into the forest for a second try. This time, when the hunters returned, they came back sans the head hunter. He had disappeared in the night.

Now more afraid than furious, Sir Helmsley sent a troop of his fiercest, strongest, most capable soldiers into the forest to find this elusive terror of the night. Three days passed. Then another three days. Then another. The soldiers never returned. The town was in an uproar, the streets empty, trade on the decline, and Sir Helmsley stopped sleeping at night. Helmsley now knew he had but one recourse. He must go into the forest himself, destroy the monster, and save his people.

As Helmsley prepared for battle, as he donned his armor and sheathed his sword, he did not reflect on the glory that would be his if he would succeed. He did not feel the exhilaration of battle course through his noble veins. He did not tell a soul of his planned quest. He did not imagine the epic songs that would be sung of him -dirges of melancholy honor to his bravery should he be killed and triumphant melodies should he succeed where the strongest have failed. Helmsley was afraid, and he could not rouse himself to think anything but of his fear. It consumed him; it was destroying him. A face which once was admired by all the noble and certainly all the common ladies in the land was now drawn and stretched thin over his weary bones. He had never before fought for his people or his land. No wars called him to battle, no duels ever had to be fought to protect his honor. He barely knew how to hold a sword, let alone use one.

While he walked to the forest, Helmsley saw the sun begin its ascent over the horizon. He knew that day would likely be his last, and the beauty pierced a tear in his eye. He was not a fighter, he knew that, and nor did he love anyone dearly enough to want to live for them. He had no family, no close friends to speak of. He lived for his people, by listening to their worries and cares, and trying to do his duty by them the only way he knew how. And now that duty had come to this.

He faced the forest. It looked dark, surprisingly so in the daylight, and ominous. It seemed to warn him away and mock him at the same time, as though it knew he would flee from before its gloom. Helmsley squared his shoulders, took a shuddering breath, and took a step toward his fate.

To be Continued...

Thursday, May 03, 2007

On My World, Your World, Dating and Beer

It's strange, the way one considers the world one lives in. For example, sometimes I feel nearly plagued with the extent I consider my own world, and I wonder how all the other people around me, with me, walking beside me, consider their own worlds. Am I unique in my endless considerations? Does everyone constantly wonder, analyze and dream the way I do? Is the purpose of this forum -this blog world we tap into when we so desire - identification and validation that others are like us?

What is it that makes us want to be the same as everyone else and the same time so different? We like to be normal, and yet special at the same time. Accepted and yet revered. Included and yet set apart. What contrary creatures we are! The way we sympathize by saying "I know exactly what you mean!" but in the next second, we counter any complaint with some sort of exaggerated one-upping that we hope inspires at least a scintilla of awe. We humans often aim to be the best even in being the worse.

I don't mean to sound so cynical -I despise cynicism, I really do. I think it is one of the worst traits of our generation, a form of the deadening of feeling that causes us to deaden our hearts against others, against ourselves, against G-d. It is a manifestation of coldness and casualness unique to our day and age, and often lauded as wit and realism when in fact it is just carelessness and fear of idealism. But now I must write that I don't mean to come off so bitter, I really don't. It's just, and I think it might be self-evident from the whole of this post, that my mood as of late has been quite reflective. Emotions fill me and dreams consume me. I feel joy and pain in equal measures, and dreams of the future fill my mind and heart.

I ask why, but who knows the reasons for a woman's moods and contemplations...? Lately I have felt as if on the brink of a new life, as if the next date I go on might be with my future husband -someone I can love and live with and become a better person with and have children with. These are all my dreams are made of, and it hurts sharply in my innermost heart that these dreams have not yet come true yet. But I do not despair, for the deepest emotion, deeper even than that heart's ache, is hope. I have hope that all this craziness inside me -all these emotions and thoughts and dreams and contemplations and considerations -which are all there for a Reason with a capital 'R', will be loved and cherished soon. Very soon, I hope. I hope.

But let me not end this post there. You see, I have not posted for more than a month, and I do not want all my posts to be about dating and marriage -that would be way too girly of me:) Instead, let me finish off by finishing my original point. It's strange the way one considers the world one lives in. Every day in school, I am surrounded by hundreds of people, boys and girls, all of whom are a similar age to me, live in the same area, go to the same school, learn the same things...and yet, we all exist in our own worlds, and speak different languages of the heart and soul. And if any of them were to read this very personal post of mine, I doubt one of them would understand what I mean...just as I know I don't understand their worlds. (For one thing, I simply cannot understand going to a bar for fun. The music's too loud, no one can hear anyone talking, it smells like beer and liquor tastes like Robitussin, which i wouldn't take even for a sore throat! But maybe that's just me, and my world...)

So, on that note about beer and Robitussin,

Good night