Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Torture of the Night

I never held much stock in dreams. My thoughts are not usually significant by day, so I always figured they were even more inconsequential by night. But what do you do when a dream doesn't leave you? When it haunts your every movement? When the sun cannot shine strong enough to dispel its lingering shadow...

When a dream has made me fragile
The remembrance piercing an ancient pain

And sadness without reason approaches
Shaking my soul in its dusty grasp

And night again encroaches
Bearing the banner of the unknown

And all this because of a dream
No shade, no nightmare, no terror

Just a displaced memory in the dark
A face without an answer
A mask without a master

Are these questing phantoms of the past?
Are these mere imaginings in the night?
Are these the worst forms of torture?

Are these nothings?

Are these somethings?


Lvnsm27 said...

must be something if it's haunting you. oy, hope it's resolved soon

anonym00kie said...

haunting poem
definitely something.
dreams may not mean anything prophetic.. it could just be way for your brain to process information, emotions.. but it's worth tryint to figure out. ive found that when i try to avoid dealing with an issue it sometimes comes out in my sleep. not necessarily in the storyline, but in the emotions it evokes.
theres no point in denying it, or calling it nothing, just try to figure out whats on your mind.. gluck

Pragmatician said...

They say we dream about things that are on our minds.
Of course in my experience that is not necessarily true.
If it affects you too much it means, in my opinion, that you sleep either too much or too little.

Scraps said...

Whatever it is, it's not nothing. Haunting poem...I'm sure the dream itself is even more so. Whatever is evoking such a reaction from you must be coming from somewhere. Didn't Chazal say that dreaming is 1/60th of nevuah? Obviously, most garden-variety dreams, forgotten as soon as you open your eyes, probably aren't of much consequence, but if this is really haunting you by day as much as it is by night I'm sure it's something. Hatzlacha rabba, and you know how to reach me if you want to talk it out with someone.

kasamba said...

Beautiful and powerful!
I put a lot of stock in dreams.

Okee said...

lvnsm--thanks, but, unfortunately, it's not really something that can be resolved.

anonymookie--definitely something. It is, and always will be. Stuff I've been thinking about, and always will have in's just that it doesn't usually come to me in my dreams.

prag--hmmm...I think I've been getting enough sleep lately -definitely not too much! Maybe it was something I ate? An extra french fry?

scraps--the biggest problem with this dream is that it mixed the familiar with the terrible. Like your favorite stuffed animal suddenly baring its teeth. Ugh. Horrible image. Thanks for the offer, but this is one of those things I just have to let it out in a good cry (which I sorta already did many times) and try to make my next dream about chocolate fudge sundays in the shape of fairy-tale castles.

kasamba--I don't usually, since mine are usually absurd to the extreme...but once in a while a dream comes along that just feel too significant, and I can't believe Hashem gave me such a dream just to shrug off. This dream...I have no clue why Hashem gave it to me...maybe it was just all sorts of stuff combining in my head to create some psychotic episode. Maybe it was a message. I don't know.

David_on_the_Lake said...

I just posted a poem about dreams...

altough urs seem to be far darker than mine...

anonym00kie said...

my rabbi once told me that my dreams were coming to me cuz i was avoiding thiking of soemthing.. which of course he was right, i didnt have the strength to face the issue head on and i was trying my hardest to avoid tinking about it and it was coming out in my dreams..
try to figure out what it is youre not trying to think about.. that muight help :)

Scraps said...

Oy, those dreams are the worst. I'm so sorry. :-/

Good luck with your chocolate fairy-castle dreams.

eSBee said...

feel 4 ya! but u no what? obvioulsy u r thinking about these tthings during teh day in ure wakeful hours 2 in order 2 get 2 this....:P

Anonymous said...

What if you can no longer differentiate between whats real and whats not?

Ive been shaken up by dreams but they all fade. Take what you can learn from it and move on.

Okee said...

david--saw it, you see. but...darker? Not dark -just misplaced, wrong. Maybe I completely mangled my explanation of it all.

anonymookie--interesting theory, and it makes sense. It could be that -after all, who would want to think about something that hurts to think about? But I don't know if I ever consciously avoided thinking about it. "It" being something that happened years ago, it's not really something to face head on. More like an old scar that randomly reasserted itself during my innocent slumber.

scraps--yeah, well, luckily since then, no repeats. But then again, no chocolate fudge ice cream fairy tale castles either. :(

esbee--These are things I've been thinking about, for as I said, years. So why now? Why this disconcertion? Is that even a word? It sounds like a word. If it's not a word, it should be. OK, I'm, glad we settled that. By the way, welcome to my little world!

lady delish--and a very happy welcome to you too! And you ask a very good question. Just like a jewess, answering questions with questions...I'm proud of you. (which sounds horrendously presumptuous since I don't know you -as far as I know- so just ignore everything I just said. Including this.) Anyway, lately reality has been a bit shaky. Too much daydreaming plus too much tv plus too much classes about property and contracts and torts...I can barely find my nose with my eyes crossed. And yes, moving on is awesome. I think I have. It's just still so odd, as a memory, that dream, I can look back on it and say, "How odd a dream that was. So strange. Hmmm. Oh, I wonder how the weather is."

Anonymous said...

Okee - scary, beautiful, and impressive. As always, it's a pleasure to see how your eloquent words give us a tiny peak into your soul, and what a special privilege that is.
I hope whatever is haunting you is resolved soon, and perhaps a good tub of ice cream is in order.
And maybe a phone call... hmm... s'about time, methinks.

Anonymous said...


Okee said...

trying to tell me something?

Anonymous said...


Okee said...

oh. kay.