Monday, June 05, 2006

Am I Falling Or Flying?

There's sometimes so much I want to say and do that I feel as if everything inside me is clamoring to get out, to explore the world, to conquer it, and sing. And I fly ever higher.

Sometimes I do not fly. I sort of slug along, close to the ground, checking both ways before I cross the sidewalk, and I slither onwards.

Sometimes I do not slither. I eat up the ground with great big strides, tossing my hair, laughing in delight, devouring the sights with amazed eyes, and I prance forward.

Sometimes I do not prance. I tend to shiver my way by, glancing over my shoulder, into the past, tears hanging off my eyelashes, and I crawl still further.

Sometimes I do not crawl. I leap. I dance. I run. I hide. I walk. I skip. I swim. I move, ever onwards. For even when I myself am still, life drags me faster and faster along.

This post was to be about something else entirely. Ironically, its title was originally "Waiting...and waiting...", a post about (duh) how much waiting around we do in life -for both the important and the trivial. Maybe I'll continue it in the future; probably not. Because my fingers tapped out a completely different entry -about going, going, going. Even when you look back, even when you move so slowly.

I often worry, as many other post-seminary girls do, about whether I am growing, and I think, perhaps, I'm not. I've remained stagnant -if not, G-d forbid, worse. But really, I believe life almost forces growth on us. It (aka Hashem) throws constant challenges our way. Like a brand new batter for the major leagues, we want to make a good impression, so we stand on the batter's mound and face down the pitcher. But even if I strike out so often the fans throw half-eaten hot dogs my way, I'll still gain from the harrowing experience -a new perspective on the pressures of the big leagues, the distractions of the crowds, the pitcher's various "tells" and tendencies, etc. So really, I'm not slipping down the slippery slope of life.

I'm flying, slithering, prancing, and crawling my way up it.

Just watch out for the half-eaten hot dogs.


Shira Bira said...

Okee - your intensity in spirit and beauty of language always make me smile - YOU'RE AWESOME! Did I ever mention that? And one thing -I promise that no matter what, you'll never see half eaten hot dogs being thrown from my direction!

kasamba said...

Loved your post!
Even through words, you leap, dance and run!

BTW a moving target is always harder to hit.

Pragmatician said...

Energetic post to say the least, and personally I much rather read about going than waiting.

Fun Dude said...

As long as you have fun in the process, you're okee!

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Beautiful expression!

Okee said...

shira bira-- you make me smile!! (did I mention that?)

kasamba--so true. always weave back and forth while targeted so they can't lock on your position...

prag--don't worry- there won't (bli neder) be a post about waiting waiting waiting anytime soon. so don't wait for it. not that you would.

fun dude--yes!! funnnnnnnn!!!

sw/fm--thanks, I try!

Lvnsm27 said...


Josh said...

Some days are in the clouds, and others are on all fours. But every day we are conquering, sometimes more, sometimes less. Just always keep your head in front of you. You never know when a half-eaten hot dog will come your way. Unless Shira Bira is in front of you.

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

You succeed!

Okee said...

josh-Yep, everyone can use a shira bira nearby for protection!!

sw'fm-why, thank you!