Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Meandering I Do

I tend to do most of my writing late at night. Whether in a journal chronicling my spiritual progress, or any work that needs to be done for tomorrow, I push it off until right before I go to sleep. As I am doing now.

But it strikes me as ironic, since some of my best thinking -creative or otherwise -happens during the day. I'll be struck with some incisive comment or brilliant insight while the sun is still shining. And I'm outdoors. Walking. I love walking, but not the kind of walking that people do for exercise, oh no. My walking is more of an energetic stroll, even a meander. I walk to see the world, to breathe the sharp cool sunset of an average day. I walk to clear my mind in the clear outside and be a part of the world, of the rest of humanity.

When I was in Israel last year, I often left school alone and walked around Yerushalyim to be alone. I would walk in the midst of a cackling crowd, but it was as if a box shut me in, shutting me out from the world. I was going through some difficult times, wondering who I was, who I would be, who I wanted to be. That searching for my "self" made me lonely -the stereotypical loneliness in a crowd. I sometimes still feel that way. So separate, so alone.

But most of the time, and I truly do thank Hashem for this, when I walk I do so to be among my brothers and sisters of Bais Yisrael, of humanity. It is such a freeing, exhilarating feeling to feel a part and parcel with all people, with all of creation. To feel one. It is a Divine experience, to open yourself up to tune in with all else. It does wonders for my sense of self, and it also opens up my mind to better thinking. Really, I should carry around this laptop with me, so that when my "channeling" of the achdus of creation occurs, I can write, I can solidify my creative and spiritual meandering.

Until then, I will try to remember back to those moments of sheer inspiration.

Until then, good night.


Semgirl said...

Yeah, no. 1.. What a beautiful, uplifting post. Achdus and Ahavas Yisroel are the best part of being a Yid or Yiddene. Thank you for the warm Chizzuk, OK..

Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

you night rider you!
come over for a tu bishvat party

Okee said...

Semgirl- Thanks so much! Achdus and ahavas yisroel are sometimes so easy to feel, and it's just like, right on, let's bring mashiach. Sometimes, though, it's just as easy to feel too disconnected. Chizuk always helps!

DM-I hope you had a great tu b'shvat!